Why Hillary Clinton and Other Women Stay with Men Who Cheat

Hillary Clinton’s interview on the Tyra Banks Show has resurrected the question of why some women choose to stay with a cheating husband rather than get a divorce.

It’s hard for many women to understand why a woman like Hillary Clinton would stay married to a husband like Bill Clinton who reportedly has a history of extramarital affairs, and is rumored to have cheated on her on more than one occasion ( Monica Lewinsky, Gennifer Flowers, and Paula Jones)

Reasons Women Stay with Cheating Men

Below are just a few of the many reasons wives choose to stay with husbands who cheat:

· Love
· Convenience
· Financial reasons
· Not willing to give up lifestyle
· Insufficient proof of infidelity
· For the sake of the children
· Fear of change
· Low self esteem
· Bad timing
· Thinking the cheater will change
· To achieve career goals
· Hoping counseling will help
· Fear of being alone
· Loyalty
· Religious beliefs
· Desire to keep the family intact
· Belief that it won’t happen again

There are other reasons, as well -- reasons which make sense only to the woman involved.

In the end, it comes down to a woman doing what she feels is in her (and her children’s) best interests.

In her interview with Tyra Banks, Hillary Clinton stated “I really had to dig down deep and think hard about what was right for me, what was right for my family.”

A Woman Shouldn’t Have to Explain

Having been a victim of infidelity myself, I feel that no woman – not even Hillary Clinton -- should have to explain or defend her decision to anyone (other than her children) why she has chosen to leave or to stay with a husband who cheats.

Choosing to leave, or to stay with a cheating spouse is a personal matter. Some women may make a spur the moment decision when they find out about the affair. And many times they may regret their choice. For other women, whether to stay or leave is a carefully thought-out decision in which many factors have been taken into consideration.

So, while we can speculate, no one can presume to know the real reasons Hillary chose to stay with Bill, except Hillary Clinton, herself.

What NOT to Do When a Husband Cheats

Friends, family members – even total strangers – who know about the affair like to weigh in on what a woman should do when she finds out about her husband’s affair.

With 15 years of researching male and female infidelity, and consulting with infidelity victims, I’ve found that it’s more important to know what NOT to do.

Most women react blindly when they find out about their husband’s affair. They let fear, anger, hurt, or a desire for revenge cause them to do things they later regret.

Regardless of whether a woman ultimately decides to stay with her husband or leave him, doing the wrong thing in the initial stages of discovery will only make a bad situation worse. And it can sabotage the course of action she later decides to take. Hillary Clinton was smart to avoid making a decision in the heat of the moment, and to take ample time to think through the situation and decide what was right for her.

For Hillary Clinton, the right decision was to stay. For me the right decision was to leave. ( I’ve been happily married for 8 years now to a man whose first wife cheated on him) Each woman has to make her own choice. The most important thing to do is avoid making a mistake that can sabotage whatever course of action you later decide to take.

FREE Tips on How to Avoid Making a Mistake

My special report entitled 5 Things You SHOULDN'T Do If He’s Cheating on You, can help you avoid making a fatal mistake if your husband is having an affair. It covers five things you should avoid doing immediately after discovering your cheating husband’s extramarital affair, and examines the reasons why. For your FREE copy, email InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with 5 things-b in the subject line.

For more information on infidelity, cheating spouses, and extramarital affairs, visit http://www.infidelityadvice.com/

Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught

The majority of cheating spouses get away with cheating on their mates. Studies indicate that most infidelity goes undetected.

In one study conducted with couples where one spouse was cheating, 70% of married women and 54% of married men had no idea their spouse was having an extramarital affair.

Another study found that 60% of the cheating spouses said their partner did not know about their affair.

The iVillage / MSNBC Lust, Love and Loyalty survey revealed that less than 30% of cheaters get caught.

There’s a reason why so many cheating spouses get away with cheating on their mates.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not because the innocent partner is in denial. It's because they either miss, or misinterpret the telltale signs.

The unsuspecting infidelity victim may realize that something’s not quite right. But they can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong. They can’t seem to figure out what the problem is.

They may feel that the marriage or relationship is lacking in some way -- that on some level, something is missing, but they’re not quite sure what it is.

Because they’re unfamiliar with the signs of infidelity -- particularly the subtle signs – infidelity is usually the last thing they suspect. It never occurs to them that the source of the problem is undetected infidelity.

If more people knew how to recognize the warning signs of infidelity, more marriages could be saved. After all, the first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. The next step is defining exactly what the problem is.

The best way to protect your marriage is to become familiar with the signs of infidelity. The sooner you find out that your marriage may be in jeopardy, the sooner you can take steps to get things back on track. You can’t afford to be the last one to know. By the time you find out, it may be too late.

For a FREE copy of the report entitled 21 Ways to Tell If You Have a Cheating Spouse, which describes the 21 major categories of infidelity signs, e-mail InfidelityInfo@gmail.com with 21 ways-b in the subject line

For more information about signs of infidelity, cheating spouses, and extramarital affairs, visit http://www.infidelityadvice.com/

13 New Year’s Resolutions for 2008 to Help Wives with Cheating Husbands Gain the Upper Hand

If your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, you’re not alone. An estimated 38 to 53 million women are victims of infidelity. Sadly, most wives with cheating husbands simply suffer in silence or tolerate their husband’s infidelity because they feel they have no choice, or because they don’t know what else to do.

You don't have to continue being a helpless victim. Start off the new year by taking control of the situation. There are practical steps you can take to protect yourself emotionally, sexually, legally and financially; and minimize much of the damage infidelity can cause.

Whether you decide to stay with your husband or leave him, the New Year’s Resolutions below will put the odds in your favor and help you gain the upper hand in 2008.

1. Make sure infidelity is actually the problem you’re dealing with.

Problems like drug or alcohol addiction or gambling often masquerade as infidelity because of similar telltale signs. Don’t speculate, investigate. If you need to get solid proof of infidelity without spending a lot of time or money, a book like Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (Lifestyle Publications, $29.95) with detailed information on the signs of infidelity will help you find out for sure.

2. Face reality.

Ignoring your husband’s infidelity will not make it go away. It will only make things worse. He could become so attached to his mistress that it will be impossible to get your marriage back on track.

3. Speak up and take a stand.

If you know he’s cheating and say nothing about it, you're enabling his infidelity. Make it clear that you disapprove of what's going on and tell him you want it to stop. Not addressing his infidelity makes him think he has your silent approval or that you don’t know what’s going on.

4. Let him know you know.

Affairs thrive in secrecy. If you’ve identified numerous telltale signs and have solid proof of your husband’s infidelity, decide when and how to tell him you know about his affair. Sometimes just knowing his infidelity has been exposed will be enough to make him stop.

5. Build a support team.

You need someone to confide in about your husband’s infidelity. Don’t try to get through this alone. Surround yourself with people who care about you and have your best interests at heart.

6. Realistically evaluate your situation.

Consider your options. Is your marriage worth saving? Should you get a temporary separation? File for divorce? What is it in your (and your children’s) best interest to do?

7. Seek counseling for yourself and for your marriage.

You have a better chance of saving your marriage if you get professional help. You’ll be better equipped to deal with the trauma of infidelity if you seek individual counseling, as well.

8. Identify the underlying issues.

Try to pinpoint the contributing factors to his infidelity - A life crisis? Major character flaws? Sexual addiction? Dissatisfaction with you or with the marriage? Or something else? Get to the root of the problem, if you can.

9. Protect yourself sexually.

Your husband’s infidelity can have life-threatening consequences for you. If he’s cheating, your health is at risk. You’re already a victim of infidelity. Don’t become a victim of HIV/AIDS too.

10. Find out your legal rights.

Consult an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law. Get a clear understanding of what you're legally entitled to (alimony, child support, division of marital assets) in the event of a divorce or separation.

11. Put your financial house in order.

Get a realistic view of your current financial situation and make the necessary adjustments. Establish credit in your own name. Set up a separate checking or savings account. Start putting money aside for a rainy day.

12. Make sure you’re equipped to earn a living.

Many women remain in adulterous relationships because they’re financially dependant on their husbands. If you need to, take college courses or start learning a trade to make yourself employable.

13. Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.

Accept the possibility that your marriage may end. Don’t be caught off guard. Have an “Infidelity Game Plan” in place in case your husband decides to move out or ask for a divorce. Begin formulating your strategy now.

For 2008, empower yourself by focusing your energy and efforts on the practical steps you can take to make the best of a bad situation. If you act on these New Year’s resolutions, you can gain the upper hand.

More Advice on Dealing with Cheating Husbands

For more tips on how to deal with a cheating husband,request a FREE copy of the special infidelity report entitled “5 Things You Shouldn’t Do If He’s Cheating on You” E-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with "5 Things-b" in the subject line.

For more information on infidelity, cheating husbands, or extramarital affairs, visit http://www.infidelityadvice.com/

My List of the Top 10 Infidelity News Stories of 2007

This is my 4th annual list of top 10 infidelity news stories for the year.

Since I’m frequently called on by the media to comment on infidelity issues in the news, I routinely monitor all major news stories about infidelity, cheating spouses and extramarital affairs

Whether it’s female infidelity, celebrity infidelity, same sex infidelity, workplace infidelity, financial infidelity, emotional infidelity, cyber infidelity -- infidelity is one of those topics that’s always in the news.

I thought it would be interesting to go back each December and take a look at the all the major infidelity news stories for the year, and choose the 10 infidelity news stories that made the biggest news.

Below are my selections for the top 10 infidelity news stories of 2007:

1. Deborah Jeane Palfrey, a.k.a. the D.C. Madam, accused of running an elite prostitution ring in Washington, D.C., released the phone records of her client list which included Randall Tobias, Senator David Vitter, Harlan K. Ullman and other very prominent (and very married) government officials who were allegedly cheating on their wives.

2. Presidential Candidates, Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs - The infidelity experiences and opinions of presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, and John McCain, and presidential hopeful, Newt Gingrich provided the media with a steady supply of material for news stories in 2007.

3. NASA astronaut Lisa Nowak, a married mother of three, charged with the attempted murder of her romantic rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut, sparked nationwide discussions on workplace affairs and workplace romance.

4. San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom’s public apology for having an affair with his former appointments secretary, the wife of his good friend and campaign manager.

5. iVillage / MSNBC’s Lust, Love and Loyalty survey which revealed that nearly 1 in 4 married adults has cheated on their spouse, that 75% of affair partners are friends and co-workers, and that less than 30% of cheaters get caught.

6. Summer Infidelity Awareness Campaign by infidelity expert Ruth Houston, founder of InfidelityAdvice.com, which focused national attention on the increase in infidelity during the summer months, the 3 types of men who have summer affairs, and exposed the tactics used by cheating men to conceal their summer affairs.

7. The Woman’s Day / AOL poll which found that 84% of wives would want to be told if their spouses are cheating, and 31% suspected, but were unable to prove that their husbands were cheating.

8. Senator Larry Craig’s arrest for his attempts at same-sex infidelity by allegedly trying to initiate sexual encounters with men in a public restroom at a Minneapolis airport.

9. Leroy Greer’s $1 million lawsuit against 1-800-Flowers for exposing his infidelity, when their thank-you note to him for the $100 in roses he sent his mistress was intercepted by his wife.

10. Dina Matos McGreevey’s book Silent Partner, in which she maintains that she was an unsuspecting victim of same-sex infidelity, because like most wives of gay married men, she had no idea of ex-husband James McGreevey’s true sexual orientation.

Compiled by infidelity expert Ruth Houston, author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and founder of http://www.infidelityadvice.com/

© 2007 by Ruth Houston

To interview infidelity expert, Ruth Houston, call 718- 592-6039 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com

For more information, visit the Press/Media Room at http://www.infidelityadvice.com/